A little setback

Cameron went to her bolus feedings yesterday and as long as she did well with it she was supposed to start bottle feeding tomorrow. Well, she didn't do so hot. She kept throwing up after every feed. Her belly is just not ready for that much food at one time. They are giving her the day off and starting up again tomorrow but in shorter increments with less food to hopefully make it easier on her. If she does fine with that then they will put her back on the full bolus feeds on Saturday. And then just like before, she has to tolerate that for a couple days before the bottle. So at the very earliest, we are looking at bottle feeds starting Monday but everything has to go perfectly until then so I guess I'm just not that optimistic. I know she will eventually get there and this is normal preemie behavior but it's such a huge disappointment for me. I'm really down about it, I feel like this one little setback just added another week onto her NICU stay. This is exactly what I was worried would happen so I'm desperate for things to go well tomorrow.

Everything else with Cameron is still going really well though. The nurse took her off the cannula today to give her a break and she did just fine! It was nice to see her face without it. We also had a successful breast feeding session on Monday which was exciting. It is going to be a learning process for both of us but she was very interested and gave it a really good try!

There's a brand new 27 weeker in the bed next to Cameron (born on Monday). He is going through all the same awful stuff that Cam went through in the beginning. It brings back a lot of painful memories and feelings watching him but it also forces me to look at how far we've come. My heart aches for his mother as I remember how hard that time was. Sometimes you get so caught up in the problems of today that you convince yourself you'll never get to the next stage. I used to look at all the babies that were like Cameron is now and think that we'd never get there. Now we're there and I feel like we'll never get to the coming home stage. I know we will but it's so hard. I wish I had a fast forward button.

So I guess I just really need to concentrate on the big picture. She is doing so well overall and in the grand scheme of things this is probably really not a big deal. As my mom always says (quoting Scarlett O'Hara), after all tomorrow is another day.